53 Comments on "Question #3"
Every single day….and it’s very exhausting. I cry alone so I don’t upset anyone. And when someone asks me if I’m okay….I just want to scream – NO I’M NOT OKAY, MY SON IS GONE AND HE SHOULD BE HERE.
I do the same thing. I cry by myself. When I am in public I can pretend I am doing good. But I am not. I started just avoiding people as much as I can. So I dont have to lie. He was my world, my inspiration, my heart and I just dont know how to go on or what to do
I’m the same way I get where I stay home to avoid running into people. And I have to stay strong for my kids and his. My husband was my rock and he was taken from us march 18th 2016 so its all still hard
Oh my sweetie I totally understand !!
Every day. I don’t even understand what “OK” is anymore. I just do the best I can to get up in the morning.
That’s all one can really do.
It goes from minute by minute to hour by hour until you reach day by day.
I pretend that I am ok about 90% of the time. I often get asked if I am sick or if I feel ok. Then the comment “You look tired.” Grief has many forms, and I think a lot of people are unaware of that.
All the time. But I’m not. I’ve become a recluse. I go to work and come home. I no longer have friends. It’s too hard.
Same here , I had so many friends and now I just want to be alone..
The same for me Karen!
I pretend all the time. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable that I cannot breath.
It feels like my heart is flopping and I can’t breathe
Yes I do pretend that I am okay especially around my older son Joshua because we live together he doesn’t like it when I cry and so I don’t cry around him and when I get emotional I just go to my room because I don’t want to make you sad he’s grieving his younger brother as well so I try to be strong for him too
I pretend I’m alright for my other two children. As well as my mother. They are all worried about me. So i keep working and going to school. I am in a bachelor program for social work. Hopefully i can help others through my experience.
Everyday I pray before I get up I cry and then through Jesus’s love I am able to put on my mask and live the day as if I’m like everyone else only somedays like today I came in at dinner took my mask of and accepted the fact I am too depressed tonight to pretend
On occasion. Probably more than I realize. The first year I didn’t. Now it’s situational, my answer will depend on who and where I am at the time. I’m not gonna try to fake out my family, but if it’s a stranger or someone that can’t handle the truth, I’ll ‘pretend.’
This has diminished with time. It’s been over four years since losing Ellie. Now I would say that I am okay most of the time and I’ve become much more comfortable in my tears and sadness when those times come. In fact, I’m okay in my moments of longing and suffering. I’ve learned to accept and embrace those feelings.
Yep it’s the little moments of memories that crush us the most!! Could be a smell, a glance at a kid, etc!
No I dont pretend. My son died there is a new normal but no OK.
I think the biggest lie I tell is, I’m good. I get up put a smile on and go through my days.
Sometimes I wonder if people know I am lying but do not want to deal with it
Yes all the time and I really get tired of putting on my fake smile every time I see people I know its much easier to just stay home than to go out in public.
I try and I use to be good at until my son died
No hiding it
I dont hide that im ok I dont think and I still cry alot more so when im alone but when im at work or in public I go find someplace to hide so no one sees me or asks me if im ok.So I feel the same way you do when someone does see me and asks if im ok.
Everyday, all day, when I’m actually dying inside..what’s ironic is I’m not fooling anyone but myself…
I never pretend I’m OK. I’m not afraid to tell people if I’m having a bad day. Fortunately people understand
I keep myself very busy, as I’m in school and have other children, too. I work with teens and that seems to console me in a way because my son died as a teen. Sometimes you have to pretend for the sake of others, we have to realize they’re just as sad by the loss, too.
Yes I do pretend that I am ok. But honestly I keep to myself where there is less need for the pretending. Inside my walls I can listen to recordings of my son, look at videos and pictures as I am able, since emotions run rampant at times. At least I never have to try to hide them or try to explain. The walls are not my prison…it is my heart that is.
Yes quite often actually
It depends on who I am with. Yes, sometimes I do pretend I am ok.
Yes and it is exhausting! Although my face is an open book and you can see that I am not OK! Why do they ask? You are at work you see your co-worker that has lost their son, she has no make up on, her eyes are puffy and red, she is constantly blowing her nose. Doesn’t that just deserve a hug, or here is a cup of water I’m praying for you or why don’t you take a brake for a few minutes I’ll cover. So many things other than how are your doing???!?!!? 🙁
I try so hard to be ok, but I’m not. I cry all the time. I lost my boyfriend on Feb. 1st. Its been almost 7 months and some days the pain is to much to bare. I have custody of my granddaughter. She is almost 4. She hates to see me cry and told me that I didn’t need to…she was my “best friend” and would help me. I cry knowing that her “Grampy” isn’t here to watch her grow up. Its so hard. I even cry at work….
Yes…I pretend to be ok…still go to counseling monthly..it has been three years. Put on my “happy face” mask when I go to work. But inside…I am hurting so badly.
I have to every day or I get accused of neglecting those around me. They just don’t want to understand that my life is forever is changed abd I’m never goung to be ok.
Ok is there such a thing as ok? I didn’t realize it until my husband looks at me the other day and he said. “You used to smile from your eyes” I didn’t know I had lost my smile. Will it ever return? I am no longer that person.
Everyday!!! Nobody knows how I feel when they come up to my office in the mornings bragging about missing their kids at college or where they moved out. I would give anything to get a text or call from my son. We talked or text everyday and I seen him at least once a week because of his work schedule. Songs, movies,and celebrations will bring the hurt right back..
YES I MOST DEFINITELY DO EVERYDAY, THE PAIN COMES N GOES BUT FOR THE MOST PART IT IS STAGNANT JUST WAITING TO COME TO THE SURFACE . ANYTHING CAN TRIGGER OFF A MEMORY N OR PAIN. BY THE GRACE OF GOD I HAVE COME THIS FAR N LOTS N LOTS OF PRAYERS I WILL CON’T TO SURVIVE ON A DAILY BASIS.
Not much. Just around my kids sometimes cuz I’m the mom looking out for my kids n grandkids. I’m alone a lot so have time to do what I gotta do before they get home.
Yes, I constantly pretend that I’m ok! Sometimes I feel like I am ok, but mostly here lately I don’t seem to be able to feel much of anything at all. Everyone that knows me knows how strong and brave I am, so I feel obligated to keep up that front, even when the grief hits me like a train. There have been times when I thought this grief and sorrow would kill me.
I am always pretending, my son has been gone 81 days now 🙁 due to a hunting accident. He passed in my arms, I fell as I have to be a “strong mom” for all the other mothers that have lost.
Every Single Day. I cry alone as well so I don’t upset other’s. My Son Terry passed 5 yr’s Ago To Suicide. The most awfulest thing I have ever in my life endured.And still to this day I’m in disbelief… The Pain does not go away for Me it’s an everyday Struggle.I have 3 other Kid’s and 7 granchildren to keep me going Thank the good lord above. Sending My Thoughts and Prayers for Comfor for you all <3 God Bless .Linda Oakley <3
Yes, I do….I don’t think people, whether friends or family, can ever really comprehend how I feel. And people who don’t know me well, well I simply fake everything.
Definitely!!!!!!!!!!!! If I let them show, my family wouldn’t stand for that. I know that I have to leave it in God’s hands, but when your love for your deceased child overwhelms you, it sometimes is very hard to do, and I just let it all out…
I pretend all the time. Since my son took his life that makes others so very uncomfortable like it is a taboo subject or something.
Yes. After years go by people can’t believe that we’re still not over it. I will NEVER be over it. I will never be able to say I’m okay now.
I try to act like I am OK around certain people, but inside I am not. I do try to avoid certain people in public if I don’t feel like I can talk about losing my son and not get upset. It is an every day struggle.
I don’t pretend I’m ok because I am not. I am how I am at any given moment. No rules nor restrictions. If I can talk I do, if I can’t I say so and ask for a raincheck to do so at a later time.
I am grieving my only child and I need to be present as I confront these ebb tides.
my mom died in 2012 when I was 12. I was just across the hall when she died. do you pretend your okay when all you want to do is die with them?