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Do you pretend that you are okay?

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53 Comments on "Question #3"

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Judy
Guest

Every single day….and it’s very exhausting. I cry alone so I don’t upset anyone. And when someone asks me if I’m okay….I just want to scream – NO I’M NOT OKAY, MY SON IS GONE AND HE SHOULD BE HERE.

tina
Guest

I do the same thing. I cry by myself. When I am in public I can pretend I am doing good. But I am not. I started just avoiding people as much as I can. So I dont have to lie. He was my world, my inspiration, my heart and I just dont know how to go on or what to do

jennifer
Guest

I’m the same way I get where I stay home to avoid running into people. And I have to stay strong for my kids and his. My husband was my rock and he was taken from us march 18th 2016 so its all still hard

Bobbie
Guest
I feel exactly the same way. I hate when people ask me if I am ok. I don’t like to be around anyone since I have peace alone. It is too tiring to pretend to be fine. I am becoming a loner. I do the things I have to do and that is it. If I had my druthers I’d take my blanket and sleep in the closet. Even at home you have to be up for your spouse or family when they visit. They just don’t get it. Life went on for them. I miss my daughter every day,… Read more »
Carrie Camargo
Guest

Oh my sweetie I totally understand !!

Erica
Guest

Every day. I don’t even understand what “OK” is anymore. I just do the best I can to get up in the morning.

Jenn
Guest

That’s all one can really do.
It goes from minute by minute to hour by hour until you reach day by day.

Amanda
Guest

I pretend that I am ok about 90% of the time. I often get asked if I am sick or if I feel ok. Then the comment “You look tired.” Grief has many forms, and I think a lot of people are unaware of that.

Karen
Guest

All the time. But I’m not. I’ve become a recluse. I go to work and come home. I no longer have friends. It’s too hard.

Kendra
Guest

Same here , I had so many friends and now I just want to be alone..

Sherri
Guest

The same for me Karen!

Bonnie
Guest

I pretend all the time. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable that I cannot breath.

Kathy Thorpe Bartlett
Guest
Kathy Thorpe Bartlett

It feels like my heart is flopping and I can’t breathe

Deborah Lynn
Guest

Yes I do pretend that I am okay especially around my older son Joshua because we live together he doesn’t like it when I cry and so I don’t cry around him and when I get emotional I just go to my room because I don’t want to make you sad he’s grieving his younger brother as well so I try to be strong for him too

Jennifer Lantz
Guest

I pretend I’m alright for my other two children. As well as my mother. They are all worried about me. So i keep working and going to school. I am in a bachelor program for social work. Hopefully i can help others through my experience.

Mary ellen
Guest

Everyday I pray before I get up I cry and then through Jesus’s love I am able to put on my mask and live the day as if I’m like everyone else only somedays like today I came in at dinner took my mask of and accepted the fact I am too depressed tonight to pretend

Amy
Guest

On occasion. Probably more than I realize. The first year I didn’t. Now it’s situational, my answer will depend on who and where I am at the time. I’m not gonna try to fake out my family, but if it’s a stranger or someone that can’t handle the truth, I’ll ‘pretend.’

Todd Nigro
Guest

This has diminished with time. It’s been over four years since losing Ellie. Now I would say that I am okay most of the time and I’ve become much more comfortable in my tears and sadness when those times come. In fact, I’m okay in my moments of longing and suffering. I’ve learned to accept and embrace those feelings.

Carrie Camargo
Guest

Yep it’s the little moments of memories that crush us the most!! Could be a smell, a glance at a kid, etc!

Bonnie Breer
Guest

No I dont pretend. My son died there is a new normal but no OK.

Tracy Griffin
Guest
I always pretend I’m ok, but on the inside I’m screaming that I’m so lost. I got so angry hearing “this is our new normal.” It was more than I could bear to hear. I just screamed I didn’t like this new normal. I want it the way it use to be. I want my precious son Joshua back. I want it to be like it use to be. This is unbearable. I try to sneak away to cry. My other two sons and my husband do not like to see me cry. Even my husband just noticed I cry… Read more »
Teresa Whitaker
Guest

I think the biggest lie I tell is, I’m good. I get up put a smile on and go through my days.

Bonnie
Guest

Sometimes I wonder if people know I am lying but do not want to deal with it

Patricia Lopez
Guest

Yes all the time and I really get tired of putting on my fake smile every time I see people I know its much easier to just stay home than to go out in public.

Samantha
Guest

I try and I use to be good at until my son died
No hiding it

Lisa Lewandowski
Guest

I dont hide that im ok I dont think and I still cry alot more so when im alone but when im at work or in public I go find someplace to hide so no one sees me or asks me if im ok.So I feel the same way you do when someone does see me and asks if im ok.

Kendra
Guest

Everyday, all day, when I’m actually dying inside..what’s ironic is I’m not fooling anyone but myself…

Diana Hammerlund
Guest

I never pretend I’m OK. I’m not afraid to tell people if I’m having a bad day. Fortunately people understand

Carrie Camargo
Guest

I keep myself very busy, as I’m in school and have other children, too. I work with teens and that seems to console me in a way because my son died as a teen. Sometimes you have to pretend for the sake of others, we have to realize they’re just as sad by the loss, too.

Debi Brady
Guest

Yes I do pretend that I am ok. But honestly I keep to myself where there is less need for the pretending. Inside my walls I can listen to recordings of my son, look at videos and pictures as I am able, since emotions run rampant at times. At least I never have to try to hide them or try to explain. The walls are not my prison…it is my heart that is.

Becky
Guest

Yes quite often actually

Jenn
Guest
Honestly, I’m tired of people asking if I’m ok, or how am I today. I’m not ok. I’m not happy. I’m hurting. I’m confused. I also don’t want to burden you how I really am. So 99% of time I will lie and tell you I’m ok. If it was going to be a good day, Baby would be here. But he’s not. It’s learning how to adjust, how to live without, how to laugh again. It’s learning that I can laugh and have a good day and NOT feel guilty about it. It’s about taking Baby with me. It’s… Read more »
Nancy
Guest

It depends on who I am with. Yes, sometimes I do pretend I am ok.

Marlene
Guest

Yes and it is exhausting! Although my face is an open book and you can see that I am not OK! Why do they ask? You are at work you see your co-worker that has lost their son, she has no make up on, her eyes are puffy and red, she is constantly blowing her nose. Doesn’t that just deserve a hug, or here is a cup of water I’m praying for you or why don’t you take a brake for a few minutes I’ll cover. So many things other than how are your doing???!?!!? 🙁

Sherri
Guest

Always!

Naomi
Guest

I try so hard to be ok, but I’m not. I cry all the time. I lost my boyfriend on Feb. 1st. Its been almost 7 months and some days the pain is to much to bare. I have custody of my granddaughter. She is almost 4. She hates to see me cry and told me that I didn’t need to…she was my “best friend” and would help me. I cry knowing that her “Grampy” isn’t here to watch her grow up. Its so hard. I even cry at work….

Beverly Eyster
Guest

Yes…I pretend to be ok…still go to counseling monthly..it has been three years. Put on my “happy face” mask when I go to work. But inside…I am hurting so badly.

Stephanie Miner
Guest

I have to every day or I get accused of neglecting those around me. They just don’t want to understand that my life is forever is changed abd I’m never goung to be ok.

Marsha
Guest

Ok is there such a thing as ok? I didn’t realize it until my husband looks at me the other day and he said. “You used to smile from your eyes” I didn’t know I had lost my smile. Will it ever return? I am no longer that person.

Carol J Raney
Guest

Everyday!!! Nobody knows how I feel when they come up to my office in the mornings bragging about missing their kids at college or where they moved out. I would give anything to get a text or call from my son. We talked or text everyday and I seen him at least once a week because of his work schedule. Songs, movies,and celebrations will bring the hurt right back..

nancy rodriguez
Guest

YES I MOST DEFINITELY DO EVERYDAY, THE PAIN COMES N GOES BUT FOR THE MOST PART IT IS STAGNANT JUST WAITING TO COME TO THE SURFACE . ANYTHING CAN TRIGGER OFF A MEMORY N OR PAIN. BY THE GRACE OF GOD I HAVE COME THIS FAR N LOTS N LOTS OF PRAYERS I WILL CON’T TO SURVIVE ON A DAILY BASIS.

Kelly Benter
Guest

Not much. Just around my kids sometimes cuz I’m the mom looking out for my kids n grandkids. I’m alone a lot so have time to do what I gotta do before they get home.

Jennifer Pond
Guest

Yes, I constantly pretend that I’m ok! Sometimes I feel like I am ok, but mostly here lately I don’t seem to be able to feel much of anything at all. Everyone that knows me knows how strong and brave I am, so I feel obligated to keep up that front, even when the grief hits me like a train. There have been times when I thought this grief and sorrow would kill me.

Cassandra
Guest

I am always pretending, my son has been gone 81 days now 🙁 due to a hunting accident. He passed in my arms, I fell as I have to be a “strong mom” for all the other mothers that have lost.

Linda Oakley
Guest

Every Single Day. I cry alone as well so I don’t upset other’s. My Son Terry passed 5 yr’s Ago To Suicide. The most awfulest thing I have ever in my life endured.And still to this day I’m in disbelief… The Pain does not go away for Me it’s an everyday Struggle.I have 3 other Kid’s and 7 granchildren to keep me going Thank the good lord above. Sending My Thoughts and Prayers for Comfor for you all <3 God Bless .Linda Oakley <3

Genevra De Mond
Guest

Yes, I do….I don’t think people, whether friends or family, can ever really comprehend how I feel. And people who don’t know me well, well I simply fake everything.

suzanne slates
Guest

Definitely!!!!!!!!!!!! If I let them show, my family wouldn’t stand for that. I know that I have to leave it in God’s hands, but when your love for your deceased child overwhelms you, it sometimes is very hard to do, and I just let it all out…

Sandy Kay
Guest

I pretend all the time. Since my son took his life that makes others so very uncomfortable like it is a taboo subject or something.

Elle
Guest

Yes. After years go by people can’t believe that we’re still not over it. I will NEVER be over it. I will never be able to say I’m okay now.

Cindy Tuck
Guest

I try to act like I am OK around certain people, but inside I am not. I do try to avoid certain people in public if I don’t feel like I can talk about losing my son and not get upset. It is an every day struggle.

Isabel
Guest

I don’t pretend I’m ok because I am not. I am how I am at any given moment. No rules nor restrictions. If I can talk I do, if I can’t I say so and ask for a raincheck to do so at a later time.

I am grieving my only child and I need to be present as I confront these ebb tides.

Jaycee Mlekush
Guest

my mom died in 2012 when I was 12. I was just across the hall when she died. do you pretend your okay when all you want to do is die with them?

Jaycee Mlekush
Guest
hey my name is Jaycee my mom died when I was 12 I’m 17 now and I know its been almost 5 years but I still hurt. I watched her die in her bed room she had a seizure and fell of the bed. It cut her circulation off to her head. The doctors had her on life support for 3 days. They told us she wasn’t going to make it so they pulled the plug. I miss her so much. My Question to you is do you ever fake being happy, like tell everyone your fine with talking about… Read more »
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